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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27427396">The Arachnid's Guide to Serpent Care</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicFlora/pseuds/CosmicFlora'>CosmicFlora</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arackniss is trying his best, Gen, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pen is Not a Great Patient, Pentniss Week (Hazbin Hotel), Sick Pentious, Sickfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:08:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27427396</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicFlora/pseuds/CosmicFlora</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sir Pentious is sick and stubborn. Arackniss is stressed and awkward. These two are a mess but they sure are cute together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arackniss/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Arachnid's Guide to Serpent Care</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My first Hazbin Hotel fic to see the light of day and it's my favorite "crackship". I hope you love these two idiots as much as I do.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arackniss splashed water on his face, cursing as the soap flicked directly into one of his eyes. It was too damn early, the reddish morning light of Hell barely noticeable from where he stood in the bathroom. Behind him, his sleeping companion and (kind of) boyfriend dozed on, his cobra tail taking up a majority of the king sized bed. Arackniss allowed himself one last yawn before straightening his hat in the mirror and reentering the bedroom.</p>
<p>Sir Pentious seemed pale in the waxing light, with dull scales and shadows ringing his sleeping eyes. Arackniss didn’t want to leave for work without a goodbye, but Pen looked like he needed the rest.</p>
<p>“Nissy,” a drowsy voice interrupted his observations. “I can hear you thinking.”</p>
<p>“Heh, sorry. I was about to head out; didn’t want to wake you.”</p>
<p>“That’s alright, dear. I prefer to see you off.” Pentious yawned and stretched his lengthy spine. It took him a long moment to finally sit up in bed.</p>
<p>“You’re usually more of an early bird, Pen. You feelin’ okay?”</p>
<p>“Not entirely,” the serpent sighed. “I didn’t have a very restful night.”</p>
<p>The nightstand on Pen’s side of the bed held a half-finished glass of something clear and fizzy. Arackniss guessed seltzer water since his partner hated sugary sodas.</p>
<p>“Your stomach hurtin’ again?”</p>
<p>“Just a touch of indigestion,” Pentious answered with a wince. “What I wouldn’t give for some surfeit water from my old druggist.”</p>
<p>Arackniss chuckled.</p>
<p>“Didn’t most of that Victorian shit have liquor and opium in it?”</p>
<p>His partner gave him a knowing smirk and waggled a finger.</p>
<p>“Can’t have an upset tummy if I’m unconscious.”</p>
<p>His grin fading back to concern, Arackniss felt Pen’s forehead with the back of a hand.</p>
<p>“Y’know, going back to sleep might be a good idea. Your temperature’s up.”</p>
<p>“I have too much to do, Niss. All joking aside.” The serpent demon shook his head and pushed the blankets from his lap. “Progress waits for no one, after all.”</p>
<p>“I think you’re workin’ too hard,” Arackniss argued. “You ain’t gonna get much done if you’re actually gettin’ sick.”</p>
<p>“I work a perfectly appropriate amount,” Sir Pentious said primly. He took the glass from his bedside table and downed the remaining liquid with a grimace. “No self-respecting villain would let a bad night stop them from…from…”</p>
<p>“Pen?”</p>
<p>The serpent’s insides gurgled loudly. He swallowed hard, his complexion changing from grey to green in quick succession. Arackniss reached for the nearest waste receptacle, but his boyfriend shook his head, regaining control with a few deep breaths.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Pen said thickly, rubbing his stomach. “But I suppose you’re right; a short lie-in won’t ruin the whole day.”</p>
<p>“Course I’m right,” Niss muttered, setting down the trash can. He glanced at his watch and swore. “I gotta go, hon. Will you be okay for a few hours?”</p>
<p>Pentious rolled his eyes fondly and sank back into the bedding.</p>
<p>“As much as I enjoy your company Niss, you hardly need to keep vigil. I’m a little ‘under the weather’ is all.” He emphasized the unfamiliar phrase with finger quotes.</p>
<p>“Yeah, okay.” Arackniss bent down and pressed a kiss to the warm forehead. “Get some rest. I’ll be back in a bit.”</p>
<p>“Drive safely, dear.”</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>It was a pretty respectable hike to his car through the winding corridors of Sir Pentious’ mansion. Arackniss took time on the way to leave some instructions with the Egg Bois.</p>
<p>“Keep an eye on your boss for me, fellas. He’s not feeling too good.”</p>
<p>“Which eye, Mr. Bossman’s boyfriend?” Egg #25 asked, scratching his head. The spider demon sighed deeply.</p>
<p>“I mean stick close in case he needs anything.”</p>
<p>“Ohhh okay!” chimed #86, who had inexplicably donned an old-timey nurse’s hat. “We’re good at sticking.”</p>
<p>“Great, great. I’ll be back.”</p>
<p>That would have to be good enough. Arackniss didn’t have the clout to give the Eggs a real order, but they were usually agreeable if the request was to their master’s benefit. In any event, Pentious was well on his way to becoming an Overlord. He could handle one sick day without a babysitter.</p>
<p>The mobster threw himself into work, not wanting to take all day with the “usual bullshit”. He had safe houses to check on and associates to see. He never saw much to complain about with his job. Tough as the Family Business could be, Niss liked not having a 9-5 gig, and his pops didn’t care how he got things done as long as the job was done right. All told, he finished his duties by midafternoon.</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>Arackniss stopped by a couple of stores on the way back to Pen’s place. You weren’t gonna find too many “comforts” in Hell, but medicine and a few groceries were easy enough. He hadn’t received any messages on his phone all day; Pentious knew better than to try and contact him during work. For his part, Niss hadn’t tried calling Pen’s phone in case he was sleeping. Now, as he pulled up to the mansion, the radio silence began to worry him.</p>
<p>“Hey Eggheads,” Arackniss called, hanging up his coat in the entryway. “How’s your boss doin’?”</p>
<p>“Hi, Mr. Bossman’s boyfriend!” chorused three of the Eggbois. #86 in the nurse’s hat answered his question.</p>
<p>“Boss is down in the workshop,” he said cheerily. “He says he feels great and that we should all get back to work or he’s gonna make us omelets!”</p>
<p>Arackniss stifled a laugh.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that sounds like something he’d say.” He didn’t believe for a moment that Pen was feeling “great” but at least now he could see for himself.</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>Sir Pentious swiped at his forehead in frustration, sweat dripping into his eyes despite the sturdy goggles he wore for work. Cursing his aching body, the serpent set down the gadget he’d been tinkering on and removed his headgear with trembling hands. He slumped wearily onto his workbench and scrubbed at his face, not noticing his boyfriend until Niss was standing right beside him.</p>
<p>“Oh, hello dear,” Pentious said, pretending not to be startled. “You’re home.”</p>
<p><em>Home? </em>The word gave Arackniss a surprising rush of warmth but that was overshadowed by genuine alarm.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” he asked. Pen looked flushed, sweaty, and miserable.</p>
<p>“I don't feel very well,” the serpent admitted, taking a sip of tea from his thermos. “But there were a few tasks I had to get to today.</p>
<p>His boyfriend gently palmed his face and neck, swearing in Italian at the hot, clammy skin.</p>
<p>“Babe, you got one hell of a fever.”</p>
<p>“You can say, ‘I told you so’; I’m sure I deserve it,” Pentious sighed, leaning in to his boyfriend’s cool hands. “In my defense, I stayed abed for quite a while today.”</p>
<p>“This ain’t about being right, Pen. I don’t want you gettin’ sicker.”</p>
<p>“Darling, you don’t need to worry about me. I’ve lived through far worse.”</p>
<p>“That don’t make me feel better,” Arackniss rolled his eyes. He asked an Egg for the first aid kit and the little minion retrieved one in under a minute. Niss had to search deep inside before finally extracting a digital thermometer.</p>
<p>“Is that really necessary?” Pentious fussed. “We already know I’m slightly feverish.”</p>
<p>“I ain’t so sure about the ‘slightly’ part. Let me see what we’re dealin’ with.” Sir Pentious flicked his long tongue petulantly at him but accepted the thermometer anyway. The pair sat in silence for a moment, and soon Arackniss was scowling at the plastic device. “Yeah, you’re burnin’ up. I thought snakes were supposed to be cold blooded.”</p>
<p>“I’m not really a proper snake, you know,” Pentious elucidated out of habit. “I’m sensitive to harsh environments but I can mostly regulate my own temperature.”</p>
<p>“Yeah well, you’re ‘regulating’ against somethin’ nasty.” Arackniss felt his forehead again, anxiety mounting over the rising heat. “You’re gonna be fine, though. I’m gonna take care of ya.”</p>
<p>“You’re so sweet, Niss.” Pen was beginning to hiss his S’s more than usual, the flush in his cheeks creeping higher.</p>
<p>Arackniss slipped an arm around his partner’s skinny waist and carefully pulled him from his seat.</p>
<p>“Let’s getcha back to bed, hon. Take some medicine.”</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>Arackniss gave his partner some space while Sir Pentious cleaned himself up in the bathroom. By the time the sick serpent emerged in fresh pajamas, Niss had the bed turned down and ready for him.</p>
<p>“I picked up some meds for you, Pen. Think you can stomach a few pills?”</p>
<p>“I think so,” Pentious supposed. “I’m not nauseous, anymore. Just don’t have any appetite.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, probably ‘cuz of the fever. This should bring it down.” Arackniss shook out a couple of tablets and handed them to Pen, offering a glass of water with his other hands. Once the medicine was down, he tucked him in, pulling the blanket to his shoulders.</p>
<p>“Thank you, dearest,” Pen said groggily. Arackniss dipped a washcloth in a bowl of cool water and wrung it out.  </p>
<p>“Eh, don’t worry about it,” he answered quietly. “You’d do the same fer me.”</p>
<p>Pentious hummed in agreement as his eyelids slipped closed. Arackniss carefully pressed the cold compress to his brow, prompting the fevered snake to exhale deeply in relief. Encouraged, Niss began to wipe down any exposed skin with the damp cloth.</p>
<p>“I must say you have quite the bedside manner, Nissy.” Pentious was exhausted, his shadowed eyes remaining closed as he spoke.</p>
<p>“I ain’t no Florence Nightingale but I guess I know a t’ing or two.”</p>
<p>There was a pause, and then, from the serpent,</p>
<p>“I love you, you know?”</p>
<p>Arackniss’ hand stilled for a moment, then brushed the damp hair back from Pen’s forehead.</p>
<p>“Love ya too, baby. Get some sleep, a’right?”</p>
<p>Pentious slept.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do plan to continue this one, even though it works as a one-shot. Please let me know what you think! Reviews sustain me.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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